Own Your Identity, Live Your Purpose

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why some people seem to go all in on living their purpose, while so many others feel like they’re just surviving life. I believe we’re created to thrive, not just survive, and I want to help people figure out their purpose and go all in on their calling.

Over the last few years, as I’ve studied and taught leadership, I’ve spent time helping amazing leaders grow and develop. One of the tools I’ve used in both coaching and workshop training is something I call “Divine Discontent.” I’m operating on the belief that we are created on purpose with a purpose, and that paying attention to what we love, what we hate, and how we’ve been hurt can help us triangulate a path toward deeper meaning.

Recently, I’ve talked with men who are successful in many areas of life but have experienced the heartache and suffering of a marriage ending in divorce. As our coaching conversations go deeper, I’ll eventually ask, “What do you really want to do with your life?” I frequently hear some version of, “I want to help men not have to experience what I’ve been going through.” What we hate, and how we’ve been hurt, often frames how we want to engage with the world.

As I’ve continued to read, listen, and learn, I’ve started to see a gap in this Divine Discontent tool. I still think it’s a great tool and plan to keep using it, but I’ve recognized that we can go deeper into the structure of who we are. Divine Discontent helps us notice that something needs to change, but it doesn’t fully answer the question, “Who am I, really?” Before we dissect calling, I think we need to start at a more foundational level.

That foundation is identity. Identity is who we are, obviously, but I’ve been learning that a surprisingly small percentage of the people I serve have real clarity on their identity. In the faith world where I operate, we often say, “You are who God says you are.” I agree with this statement completely, and yet I see there is still plenty of room for the individuality that makes up you and me. Not only am I all of the things God says I am—Loved, Forgiven, a Child of God—I’m also high energy, extremely curious, energized by learning and teaching, and probably more comfortable in front of a large crowd than I am sitting down for a quiet cup of coffee and deep discussion with you.

There is a lot to my identity, and to yours. I’m still early in the research and thinking here, but I’m starting to see my identity as a combination of things like: Gifts, Talents, Passions, Personality, How I Prefer to Work, My Personal and Core Values, and other attributes that make me uniquely me. I see identity as the root system; purpose is the trunk that grows from those roots, and calling is the fruit that shows up in how we live and serve.

I’m learning that we must know who we are before we can truly understand what our purpose is. As we learn and understand our purpose, then we can ramp up the intensity and passion of pursuing our calling.

I’d love for you to come on this journey of exploration with me. I’m at the beginning of a new research project, and your experience can help shape where it goes. Would you take about five minutes to fill out a short survey about your own journey with identity, purpose, and calling? Your responses will help us see how this really plays out in everyday life—and take real steps from just surviving to truly thriving.